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  • plusthedog

Feeding time at the zoo

The Dog has her food at 6pm every day. She gets other bits and bobs during the day, but 6pm is Big Food Time. To say she gets excited is putting it mildly. She loses it. She leaps, performing full mid-air spins and whines round your feet every time you move as it approaches 6pm. By 'approaches 6pm', I mean any time after her afternoon walk, which happens about 4pm. When she isn't performing this dance, she is starring you out. Feed-me-now eyes. It's intense. 

This evening the walk didn't happen, well, not at the normal time anyway. It was chucking it down with rain and The Girl woke up late having not been feeling very well. She was cranky and crying and I decided the dog could wait for her walk. 

Here is a schedule of how feeding time went: 

Feed The Boy. Once calm, get The Girl up from late nap. 

Sit  and cuddle The Girl while she cries and moans about her knees (what is it with the knees?)  

Let her watch TV while I make her tea. (For tea, read 'dinner' especially if you're southern). 

Put The Boy down to sleep as he has now eaten and hung out with The Girl for a bit. Should buy us 20 mins. 

Feed The Girl. 

I usually try and snack at this point because it encourages her to eat and I am usually hungry. Today I have had 6 crackers and some cottage cheese for lunch, but it wasn't that long ago so I'm not hungery yet.  Try to do a job that means I can sit with The Girl. 

The Boy wakes up early and cries. 

Run back to give him a dummy to try to buy us 5 more mins, run back to The Girl to stop her tipping her food everywhere. 

Give The Girl dessert, Yoghurt. 

The Boy cries. 

Check he is ok and run back to Girl, tell her when she complains 'Mummy will look after him in a bit, can you hurry up with the yoghurt?' 

The phone rings. The husband. He is on his way home. He puts me on hold to take another call. 

The Boy is still crying.  

The dog tries to break my legs by tripping me up. She thinks it's her teatime. 

The Girl has put strawberry yoghurt in her (clean) hair.

Clean her up.

The Husband rings back. I am still on hold to him as well, but he has got confused with the technology. 

The Boy is still crying.  

Give The Girl a little chocolate to finish. Girl throws it in the floor. 

Panic and ninja-dive for the floor because the dog has gone for the chocolate. Prise dog's mouth open and remove any remaining scraps of chocolate. Put it in bin. The Girl cries because chocolate is in the bin.

The Boy is still crying. 

The dog is annoyed at losing that one bit of food and desperately tries to remind me it's her teatime. 

Explain to Husband that I will have to speak to him in a bit, I can't think about our dinner now. 

Get The Girl down. Pick up The Boy to feed him.  

The Girl cries and announces 'poo-poo.' Explain calmly that The Boy  has waited for her to eat now she has to wait for him.  

Crying gets louder. 

The Girl wonders off into kitchen. Silence. Panic and run into kitchen (with Boy latched on) to find her roooting through dog bags. Tidy away. Dog thinks it's her tea time and goes nuts.  

Sit back down to feed Boy and hear the eventual poo-poo happen.

It is nasty.

There are more tears. 

Unlatch Boy and run for nappy. Change Girl, (big nasty runny poo, no wonder she cried). This one is tough to contain.

The Boy throws up.  

Clean everyone. Feed dog to prevent further pandemonium. Feed (now crying) Boy some more. Boy throws up on my nipple while feeding.  

More cleaning.  

Open every door and window possible. The house smells. 

Message husband; 'really sorry, won't be meeting you from work. The Girl has shat herself and The Boy threw up on my tits. Please just get home and we will think about our food then...'

I don't often say this, but seriously, just right now, just for this evening, FML!  

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