Yesterday morning I put on makeup. I wish I hadn’t bothered. We were up in good time but I decided I wanted to look less like I hadn’t slept for 3 weeks so I put makeup on. Not just some B.B. cream and mascara, a whole face of makeup.
The result of this was, while we weren’t late, we weren’t early either and the disaster that followed did make us late.
The Boy took advantage of a fresh nappy and pooed as soon as he went into the high chair. A poo that I hadn’t realised had gone out of the top of the nappy and up his back. Until I had finished changing him, again. Another change. Meanwhile The Girl has eaten the breakfast she was refusing and also eaten The Boy’s breakfast, so his food has to be re-done.
So, we set off late, my post nursery drop-off visit with a mummy friend growing shorter by the minute. If I had not insisted on trying to look vaugly ‘normal’ I would have more time in the company of people who make me feel ‘normal’-or at least, less mad!
The whole episode is indicative of my general feeling at the moment. I would not call myself a perticually glamorous person, but I like to look ‘put together’ rarther then ‘thrown together’ or worse, not together at all. Just lately, when I catch sight of my reflection by accident, I am appalled, and instead of leaning in to correct something, I quickly move away and try to forget about it. My vanity can’t cope.
First world problems, I know.
But it effects my self-esteem, and therefore how I react and interact with people, especially those close to me (like The Husband). If I feel negative about myself I come across as negative to those closest to me, even if I am pretending not to feel negative.
Right now I am sporting my usual B.B. cream & mascara look, with concealer to cover the grey under eyes because we didn’t sleep a whole lot last night. My skin is patchy and a little spotty. My hair does not know which way to point, it is at least clean but not straightened and the dye is growing out. The re-growth from my post baby hair loss is about half an inch long, giving me a slight sonic the hedgehog look. My pre-baby cloths don’t fit and meternaty ones are too big, anything I do wear usually has snot on it, or worse. My tummy is still far to big for anyone’s liking, and who has time to shave? Anything? Ever?
F*#£ knows what’s going on with my eyebrows...
...I know I know. My babies are happy and healthy and learning all the time. They always look well turned. One of the mums at nursery actually told me yesterday that her daughter regularly asks to have her heir done like ‘The Girl’ and will sit nicely for it being done on the promise that it will look like my daughters. Stupidly, this makes me happy. But, pridictably, as the Mum, I have forgotten about myself. I feel like a total mess. All. The. Time.
I am trying to get on top of it, but with two littles and the dog and my return to work fast approaching, it is not easy to worry about how I look as well as everyone else. I need to make an effort to do more, or else I will return to work as some sort of ogre.
So, I am trying a new product for my hair-to try and help improve re-growth and condition.
Nu Skin are a brand a bit like Avon. They work via reps who usually have main jobs as well. They use social media to sell products using real experience of the people using the products. I have just starting using their re-growth shampoo and and hair mask. It’s lovely. The shampoo is in an alarmingly small bottle but lasts well and the conditioner smells lovely and makes my hair feel great after. Does it work? Who knows! I think it is helping but it might be wishful thinking. I’m not 100% sure it matters. It’s not hurting and it feels like I am making an effort to make the situation better. (FYI I have no incentive financial or otherwise to be positive about Nu Skin or any other product I may mention in this post).
I had my nails done yesterday, it’s not much, and it’s a silly, frivolous thing to do when money is tight but when I look at my hands now I feel like I am making an effort. Like I might be able to claw this back, at some point in the future I might look less bag lady and more lady with bag (I’m not sure that makes any sense but I know what I mean!) The Girl has nicknamed them ‘fairy fingers’ and I shall try to use them to sprinkle some magic back into the state that is my own appearance.