To the moon and back.

Have you ever noticed how this phrase is emblazoned on so many children’s products? Clothes, wall plaques, toys, soothers...’I love you to the moon and back...’ I always wondered why, feeling it’s a bit of an odd saying, why the moon? Why do we need to prove how we much we love our children, isn’t it obvious? Dosen’t it come with the territory? If we say it over and over, writing it on everything, dosen’t it lose its power? It seams a bit like a teenager writing the initials of the person they fancy on their pencil case over and over. Sort of proving a point that dosen’t need to be proved. What if you love them more then to the moon? You know, to Uranius and back? Or maybe not that much, just Mars. That’s probably enough.... 

...of course, it is just a little saying. It dosen’t really mean too much. Not really something to get hung up about, the sentiment is positive at least!  

You might be able to tell, we are not getting much sleep here at the moment at plus the dog. After the whole two-year-old suddenly scared of the dark, and fireworks situation we now have a five-month-old with Bronchiolitis, meaning nights are not our friend at the moment. The days when I do get a decent amount of sleep, I feel so different it’s unreal. 

I have spoken recently about ‘baby brain’, which seems far worse this time round, but, for sure, limited sleep makes it even more pronounced. It also makes me short tempered and resentful of anyone who is sleeping, or who has slept. And, it makes me feel really fed up. I don’t know if that’s normal, if it is, it would seem to me that a large contributing factor to any kind of postnatal depression has to be sleep deprivation, surely? Not that I am hinting at a medical diagnosis here, just that surely, this is a huge factor?

On the days I have averaged 2/3 hours sleep, I lack motivation to do a lot of things. I am irritable and short-tempered, easily confused and slow to ‘catch on’. And worse of all, I don’t really realise it. It’s not just the occasional day either, sometimes it’s night after night and while I have learnt to function on less sleep, it takes it’s toll, mostly on those around me. It isn’t rescued by just ‘a good nights sleep’ or even a quick afternoon nap. What is needed here is proper sleep. Uninterrupted, deep sleep. More then once. 

A mummy friend of mine was going on a hen do in the summer, and while she was looking forward to it, what she was looking forward to the most was sleeping alone in the hotel room. Without wanting to seem like a party pooper she was trying to work out how early she could ‘get away’ with turning in for the night to make the most of the uninterrupted sleep. Another mummy friend was recently asked wat she wanted for her birthday. She had replied ‘book a hotel for the night and then babysit the kids...’ all she wanted to do was sit in the big white hotel bed, watch junk tv, go to sleep and wake up whenever she wanted. It sounds crazy, but I can totally relate.  

Don't ever get me wrong in this. I don’t want to leave forever. I do not resent or regret the beautiful little family I have, I just know I would manage them better and appreciate them more if I could catch up with a little sleep! 

I know, of course that this will pass, that it won’t always be like this, that one day I will wish I was being woken up but excited toddlers and sleep deprived husbands. It’s just a phase. 

I think I have worked out what it means by ‘to the moon and back.’ It means I love you, but will willingly travel to the moon to get a good nights sleep. And come back, of course.  

I love you. To the moon and back.